I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
