I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
