Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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