i just google imaged poop.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
