theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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