I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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