Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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