the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
