It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize