I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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