I never want to see another naked old woman again.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
