I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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