I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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