Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
