so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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