i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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