i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night