This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.