She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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