Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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