he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
