If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
