the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
