I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
