PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
