I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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