Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
