so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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