Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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