I got chris browned last night
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
