I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
