Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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