I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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