i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
