ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
