White coat. Heels.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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