I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
