What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
