Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
