soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
