I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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