I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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