my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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