How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
