i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
