There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this boner is exhausting
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
