I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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