There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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