The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
