That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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