It's like God shit irony all over that family
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
