I'm jealous of your bromance
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
