Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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