Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
