I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
