i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
