he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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