i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
