I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
