She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
