Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My balls are so social today.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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