You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
