apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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