She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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