my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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