Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
