We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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