Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
