I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
