my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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