we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
