gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
