If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
