She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
