i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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