I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she peed on how many people?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
