I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
COCAINE IS GR8
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
