And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
