i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You pole danced in your parka.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
