you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
