After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
