so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
