One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
